1986 – James Bone: Agent 001 (Jonrox Films/Larry Santiago Productions)
[Release date unknown]
Director/Fight Instructor Ruben Ramos Story Willie Deato
Screenplay/Associate Director Ric Acasio Producer “Umo” Line Producer Verseo
Octavo Cinematography Rudy Quijano Music Ding Lamano Editor Samuel Domondon
Sound Technician
Tony Faustino Sound Effects Ben Samson Production Supervisor/General Manager Ricky Santiago Production Manager
Wilfredo Mendoza Production Controller Simie Dolano Production Consultant
Mennen Santiago In Charge of Administration Rosanna Manalaysay Art Designer Nilda Rendaje Effectsman Adis San
Pedro Makeup
Ester Cayabyas Settingman Mamerto Valerio Clapper Jessie Quijano Assistant Cameraman Rodel Quijano Head Driver
Ruben Bitancor Utility Allan Paradero Material Trustee Rex Romero PRO Tino
Vellya Caterer Esperanza Agang Dubbing Editors Arceno Collado, Danny
Collado Stillman Tony Roxas Legman Raul Segarra Layout Eddie Domer Credit Titles Lauro Romero Sales Manager Ador
Baligaya Account Executive Jomar Laurel Advertising Manager Jay Torres
Accountant Jun Gahutan Collector Joselito Exito Shipping in Charge Ramon
Soriano Shipper Boy Faustino
Cast Palito (James Bone), Melissa Mendez (Sabrina), Charlie
Davao (Viller), Joaquin Fajardo (Crooked Finger), Don Pepot (Scientist), Ruben
Ramos (Swordsman), Eddie Llaneta (Boy Macho), Clarissa Mojer (Odessa), Jon Jon,
Komander Jack Angels Liza Mojica, Fe Timbol, Mary Joy Warren, Femmy Mojica,
Rizza Borja, Jessica Fabros, Marte Mojica, Camea Amor, Rona Denaga Goons Romy
Nario, Joe Andrade, Larry Esguerra, Torling, “Rolland”/Roland Falcis, Jay
Grama, Boy Sta. Ana, Cris Aguilar, Leo Gamboa, Robert Allan, Jess Bonzo, Benny
May, Boy Panai, Tony Roxas, Omay Rivera, Geron Vega, Sir William, George
Tormeda, Cesar de Paz, Bobo Cruz, Tonton Kishanni, Dalton de Castro, Boy
Bernal, Jun Silda, Peddy May
Review by Andrew Leavold:
Like many older comedians from the Vaudeville era,
stick-thin Palito traded on his startling appearance, along with a stock of
facial ticks, grimaces and smutty wordplay, and in turn etched his features
into the rockface of Pinoy pop culture. When he passed away in 2010 from lung
cancer aged 76, there was a genuine sense of sadness over his passing, as if a
small piece of the Philippines'
collective film psyche had vanished into the ether forever. For Palito was
truly a veteran of hundreds of Filipino comedies and action films from the
mid-Sixties, a regular bit-player in films alongside Dolphy, Chiquito, Tito Vic
and Joey, Fernando Poe Jr, Nino Muhlach, Redford White and many others, and a
memorably meatless face with pronounced cheekbones and sunken eyes often
registering a look of pure bewilderment, to count upon for a scene or two of
regulation "funny business".
Bone cops a feel mid-massage...
The most vivid recurring mental image of Palito amongst
Filipino filmgoers is that of a walking corpse: bone-white, in a funeral
shroud and bandage wrapped around his jaw. The schtick is remembered today as
if it was freshly minted. I remember interviewing Palito in 2007 when comedian
Amay Bisaya interrupted and rolled off a checklist of patented Palito cliches:
"How are you, Mr Palito? Are you still dead? Are you living in the
cemetery?" Unfortunately for Palito, his level of public recognition could
no longer be converted into paid movie work. Towards the end he barely scraped
by with a living wage, working a weeknight gig playing congas at a casino in Santa Cruz, and cadging
bus money from anyone who would take the time to buy him a cup of coffee.
"Producers have given him a large amount of money," other out of work
actors would tell me, sensing a conspiracy of pathetic proportions, "he's
only pretending to be poor." They believed every word! Nevertheless his
wife and children was virtually penniless when he died - was Palito keeping his
rolls of unspent cash stashed in his congas, perhaps? - and went public asking
for donations for hospital bills for his final hospital stay. Poor, sweet,
fragile man.
Back in Palito's heyday in the Eighties, it was possible for
him to shoot scenes for three or four movies in a single day, changing costumes
in the back of jeepneys as he tore from one set to the next. A substantial role
alongside pale-skinned comedian Redford White in his Rambo ripoff Johnny Rambo
Tango (1985) led to top-billing a handful of comedies in the mid to late
Eighties, starting with two more Stallone/First Blood riffs, Ram-Buto
("Ram-Bone", 1986) and, in another skeletal dig, No Blood No
Surrender (1986). The were cheap, goofy, and appeared at the peak of the Pinoy
Parody craze, proving the local producers' old adage "when you're onto a
winning horse, beat it to death, and quickly". Barely as soon as the end
credits faded, No Blood No Surrender's company Jonrox Films and distributor
Larry Santiago Productions commissioned a further Palito starrer, this time as
a beanpole secret agent: James Bone, Agent 001. No Blood's writer, bald goon
actor Ruben Ramos, was promoted to the director's chair, presiding over a
budget even more wretched that the film could've been projected on the wooden
slats of a chicken house and still not lose money.
James Bone's talking car. KITT it ain't.
In the opening scene, a crime boss is gunned down by an
unseen assassin. As a result, three underworld rivals meet to argue over who
will be the next Godfather. The chubby and sweaty Crooked Finger (Joaquin Fajardo) and
Boy Macho (Eddie Llaneta) are about to set their goons on each other, when the
gorgeous Sabrina (Melissa Mendez) suggests a contest, the winner brings in the
Syndicate's biggest headache: James Bone, Secret Agent 001. Debonair in his
bone-tight silk suit, James is the country's top crime fighter, a ladies man
AND karate expert with no need for any visible gadgets other than a talking
Datsun (thank you Knight Rider!). Even though he lives with his mother, he
manages to bring one wide-eyed young lady back to his boudoir. "You might
be hospitalized out of shock with what I've got," he warns her, before
taking off his bath robe. "Can you handle this?" Apparently not, as
she takes one glance at his naked crotch and passes out on the bed.
Head Goons: Crooked Finger (Joaquin Fajardo) and Boy Macho (Eddie Llaneta)
"Waaaaaaaah!!!"
With Ramos - former stuntman and character actor in over
twenty years of action films, at the helm of James Bone, you'll understand just
how the term "Goon Comedy" applies to much of the Philippines'
comic output: equal amounts of bona fide goon-centric action scenes to comedy,
if not more. In James Bone, it translates into one endless fight scene after
another, as waves of goons - first Crooked Finger's, then Boy Macho's - are
thrown at the hapless, befuddled Bone, giving as much screen time needed for
the audience to fully gawp at his unfeasibly skinny frame going through its
gyrations. Naturally he has some serious body armour to protect his ribs and
twig arms, as well as a bag of dirty tricks such as poking one bodybuilder's
eyes out, then punching them in the crotch; in another scene, Bone punches a
goon, they drop to the floor, and Palito suddenly grabs his broken hand and
cries out, "Waaaaaaaah!!!"
Bone puts the squeeze on director Ruben Ramos
Weng Weng fans will remember Ruben Ramos as the bald goon
sitting on a bed, complaining how Yehlen Catral his gang had bungled a hit on
Agent OO: "Now you'll get a bullet in your belly, Lola…this is it,
kid!" Ramos naturally puts in appearance waving around a samurai sword in
front of Palito in a warehouse punchup, and Romy Nario, another For Y'ur Height
Only baddy ("There's a lot of dough in this dough…the butcher, the baker,
the candlestick maker!") plays one of Boy Macho's henchmen. Other guest
stars also get their ten minutes: top-billed Charlie Davao, ever the convincing
contrabida, fences with the unbleeding Bone, while Don Pepot as a scientist
tries to sell Bone a pair of x-ray specs at a beerhouse, and their scene
degenerates quickly into two aging vaudevillians snickering over naked people
making out. Comedy Gold? Mould, more like, and the rest of the film is covered in
dense matting of it too. But if you are capable of not only buying into
Palito's well-worn schtick, but also peeking past the spectacle into the heart
of a sad clown, fragile man and genuinely funny entertainer, then you too will
love the sight of an anorexic beating up the ever-rolling Goon Parade as much
as I do. Gold.
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